The following are general rules of behavior that apply to all people, regardless of age, sex, or status. It is the minimum behavior expected of anyone who wishes to distinguish himself as someone worthy of respect.
General behavior
There are certain aspects of general behavior that one expects from all people, no matter the person or the situation. These are the most basics of behavior.
- Be polite - Always try to act in a demure and professional manner. Be sure to say, 'please,' 'thank you,' 'excuse me,' and 'you're welcome,' as appropriate. Some people will take offense to the phrase, 'no problem,' since it belittles your own effort, and thus it renders a person's thanks as meaningless. Some people actually do make a big deal out of this.
- Be punctual - It is basic courtesy to keep one's appointments in a timely manner.
- Do not swear, shout, or lose your temper - Keeping your anger in check is the action of all civilized individuals and shows your grace and composure.
- Do not pick anything - This includes nose, ears, bellybutton, teeth, toes, etc. Don't scratch yourself either. While I'm at it, no spitting, don't chew gum in good company, and don't smoke in mixed company.
- Do not point or stare - It's just rude.
- Remove your hat indoors - Upon entering any household or establishment, you should immediately remove your hat.
- Do not check your watch - Unless you absolutely must be somewhere, it is rude to check your watch constantly. Refrain from this action when at a party or dinner or any function.
- The dreaded three - Never discuss religion, politics, or finances with company. Also, you should avoid any conversation about work. If something is not directly work-related, then it may be suitable. For example, I had a patient that was a very nice elderly lady that brought her own hospital gown. Talking about her congestive heart failure, however, is out of bounds.
Introductions & partings
There are general rules to meeting people and saying good-bye. Surprisingly, this is probably where most people are the most deficient in basic manners.
- Greetings - Whenever you meet anyone, new or familiar, you should offer a greeting. If you read etiquette books from the 19th century, they will tell you that you should not greet a lady on the street until she has acknowledged you. So, if you live in the 19th century, take note of that. Otherwise, you should meet people with an appropriate greeting (Good morning, good afternoon, etc.). You should offer a handshake as appropriate, and if outside, a nod of the head or tip of the hat to a lady. Men should always stand when greeting someone (women, actually, may remain seated).
- Always introduce people that are unfamiliar - This is usually the duty of a host or hostess, but if you should realize that two people have not been introduced, the onus is upon you to introduce the two. Typically, it is the rule that people that have not been introduced should not talk to each other, but this rule has since fallen by the wayside. An important point: when introducing mixed company, you should remember that a man should be presented to a woman, and not the other way around. For example, you address the lady, "Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Suchandsuch..."
- Refer to everyone by title - This means that everyone should be called mister, missus, reverend, doctor, general, dame, lord, earl, duchess, miss, etc. Until a person grants you permission to call him by first name, you should not use his first name. If you do not know a person's name, or if they are of significantly higher social standing, you should use sir or ma'am.
- Welcome someone inside - If you are hosting, you must invite all your guests inside. If you are visiting, it is rude to enter unless you are invited in. When you do enter, be sure to wipe your feet. If you invite someone into your home, you must take his jacket, gloves, umbrella, etc. Even if all you're going to do is throw them on a table in a spare room.
- Deliver a good handshake - When you meet someone, you should offer a handshake. There is a proper way to shake hands. For a proper handshake, you should stand with feet set. Do not walk and shake hands. You should be standing still. Make eye contact. Your handshake should occur during your introduction. Always offer your right, even if you are left-handed, unless you cannot offer your right for one reason or another (EG Bob Dole). Squeeze with a firm grip, but not crushing. Shake once or twice, then let go. You may opt for a two-handed shake, which involves cupping the other person's hand with your left hand, or putting your left hand on the other person's forearm, elbow, or shoulder. This is usually a more intimate maneuver, and should be reserved for more intimate occasions.
With ladies, there are wrinkles. Some women will offer you their hand, but not for a handshake. They will offer it to you to hold. I'm not joking here. Think of old movies where a man would kiss a lady's hand. It's a similar move. You take a lady's hand, and you hold it. You should NEVER kiss a woman's hand, unless you're in the presence of royalty. But it is permissible to hold a woman's hand. Shaking is unnecessary. You should let go after a slight squeeze and a slight bow of the head. Of course, shaking hands in the regular fashion is more common and as acceptable.
- Parting sentiment - When departing, you should again offer a handshake as appropriate, and offer a parting sentiment (Good day, good evening, good night, etc.). I would go so far to say that the phrase, 'Have a good one' should not be used in pleasant company.
- Minor notes - Do not bow to Asians. If you have Asian friends or meet people from Asia, do not attempt to bow. There are immense subtleties to bowing that take years to learn. You will inevitably do it wrong. I will bow, but I've had a lot of practice at it.