Miscellany

There are hundreds of bits of etiquette that do not neatly fall into one of the larger realms. I've tried to catalogue some of these rules. Hopefully, they will be helpful.

The umbrella

• Carrying your umbrella - If you have a short umbrella, you should carry it by the handle. If you have a long umbrella or (God help you) you're using a golf umbrella off of the golf course, all long umbrellas should be carried by the handle with the tip down. It will have the same feel as a walking stick or cane, in that respect. This is imminently practical. Long umbrellas can be dangerous.
• Flaps tied - When you are not using your umbrella in public, whether it is wet or not, you should tie the flaps back. If you have an umbrella cover, you should always use it, wet or no.
• Coming in from the rain - Once you come in from the rain, you should shake out your umbrella where you won't shower someone else, then tie back the flaps and put the umbrella into an umbrella rack. If there is no umbrella rack, you should honestly just ask someone where to put your umbrella. It is not acceptable to take an umbrella to a dinner table or to a salon/living room/etc. At any place with a coat check, the coat check person should take your umbrella as well.
• Umbrellas travel with rain coats - For a man, a trench coat or overcoat should be worn when using an umbrella. Many also wear a hat with trench coat, but hats are not as popular as they used to be. An umbrella is not expected to protect you fully from the rain, and will not, as you will see in a later point.
• Storage - When you are done with your umbrella for the night, you should open it either on a patio or balcony, or if you live in an apartment, in the bathtub. This is a notable exception to the opening an umbrella indoors rule. When it is dry by the next morning, close it, tie back the flaps, and place it in your personal umbella rack if you have one.
• Umbrella chivalry - When you are with a lady, and suspect rain, you should carry an umbrella. This umbrella is not for your use. It is for her. When it starts to rain, you should open the umbrella and hold it in your left hand. Make a crook out of your left arm and allow her to attach herself to your arm. She should get the lion's share of the umbrella's coverage. Again, this is imminently practical. Women are not expected (and normally don't) wear trench coats to formal events.

  You should expect to get at least your right shoulder wet, if not all of you. When a lady is getting into or out of a car, you will use your free right hand to open the door, and with the left, you will continue to cover her with the umbrella. This means that none of the umbrella will be over you. Just because you are holding the umbrella does not obviate you from your regular chivalrous duties.

Champagne anyone?

The truth of the matter is that most people have never had champagne. The name 'champagne' refers only to sparkling wine from the Champagne region of France. Dom Perignon is certainly authentic champagne. However, Asti Spumante ain't even from France. It's Italian.

• Opening a bottle - Like any bottle of wine, remove the foil. You are next presented with a wire cage. Point the bottle in a safe direction and with a finger firmly on the cork, loosen the cage. You may remove the cage (I don't...). Wrap a bar towel around the top, and loosen the cork under a towel by firmly gripping the cork in the towel, and then turning the bottle. The cork will come out quickly, so be careful. Once the cork is off, slide the towel around the neck of the bottle, and you're ready to pour.
• Champagne glasses - The legend behind the wider, flatter champagne glasses is that Marie Antoinette had wax molds of her breasts made, and that size and shape was used as the model for the champagne glass. However, it is the general concensus among experts that these glasses allow too many bubbles to escape, and the champagne loses its chill too quickly. The flute is, in general, the preferred method of consuming champagne. I don't believe that. I'm of the belief that champagne is not meant to sit in the glass long enough to lose its chill anyway.

Toasting

The toast is a skill in and of itself and there are a lot of subtleties and nuances that I simply will not cover, but I got started on a conversation about toasting, and it made me think of a few things. It should be said that a toast need not be champagne or sparkling wine, but it's more traditional.

• Full glasses - All toasts should start with full glasses. You shouldn't start your toast till everyone has a glass and it's been topped off. It's rude not to drink when toasting. If you have a glass, you should raise it full and take a sip.
• Being toasted - As at a wedding, often a specific person or persons are the subject. The person being toasted should remain seated, but everyone else should stand.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Keep in mind that it is not acceptable to smoke in mixed company. You should not smoke at the dinner table, and certainly not during the meal. If you wish to smoke, you should excuse yourself from the company of ladies and take care that when you return, you do not smell of cigarette smoke. Here are some points on smoking.

• The smoking lounge - Many fancy homes will have a room that is a smoking lounge. This is so that only one room will have to suffer the ill effect of cigarette smoke. If such a room exists, this is where smoking should be done.
• Cigarette holders - Often in old movies, you will see men and women smoking using a cigarette holder. The point of these devices is to keep the actual cigarette as far away as possible, so as to reduce not only the smoke you receive from the tip (the 'cherry' of the cigarette as it were), but also to keep the smell off of you and your clothing.
• Smoking jackets and ascots - The purpose of these clothes are to keep the smell of smoke from your clothes. They are worn on top of your regular clothes. That is to say, you may wear a tie and shirt underneath an ascot and smoking jacket. Most people do not have these items, or if they do, do not have more than one or two, so unless you own a pair, I wouldn't expect to ever wear a set.
• Cigarette cases - The 'standard' cigarette pack, such as the American Marlboro pack are thick, with cigarettes in 3 rows. This pack will obviously deflect a blazer or suit coat, and will make your jacket appear unattractive simply from its bulk. Certain cigarette companies make thinner, wider packs, such as Dunhill and Sherman. Even Canadian cigarettes are packed this way. These packs will not show as obviously in a coat. However, to put the issue to bed, you may invest in a cigarette case, which is a metal tin that has either a metal or elastic band which holds the cigarettes. Usually, these tins hold 10 cigarettes, which should be more than enough for a night on the town.
• Lighters - If you feel like being the ultimate in cigarette smoking gentlemen, retire your Zippo and invest in a butane torch style lighter. The flame is very hard to see, but it is honest to God windproof, lights very reliably, does not smell, and is very slim. Often, it can match your cigarette case, and sometimes, is built into your cigarette case. This is not essential though. The only true lesson is that you should retire your Zippo when you want to smell nice.
• Cigarette chivalry - As noted before, there is a proper way to light a lady's cigarette, even though it is unladylike to smoke at all, muchless in mixed company. You light your lighter about two feet from her face, cupping the flame with your other hand. Once it is lit, move the lighter (still cupping the flame) within four or five inches of the end of her cigarette, and allow her to move to the flame.

The telephone

• Answering the phone - When you answer the phone, you should identify your location. For example, I would say, "This is the Han residence." If you have children or multiple people living in the home, it's best to identify yourself as well. Think of when you call a business. They always answer the name of the business and who is answering. That is how you should answer the phone as well. Having said that, I haven't answered the phone in this manner since I lived with my mom. Even if you have caller ID, you should allow the person calling you to identify themselves.
• Calling - After the person identifies the residence and who that person is, you should introduce yourself, who you wish to reach, and the purpose of the call. " Hello, Mr. Soandso, my name is churlsun han. I'm trying to reach Mrs. Soandso in regards to..." This is utterly pragmatic, since now, the person who answered can give a nice message to whomever you're trying to reach, and it also provides the person who answered the phone with an idea of how important your call is. It is the right of anyone who answers the phone of the household you called to ask what the phone call is regarding. If you wish to keep the matter personal, you should say that it is a personal or private matter. You must always identify yourself, however.

Asian etiquette

Here are some tips on interacting with Asians. It's a murky field out there, but there are certain... touches that will be universally appreciated. None of these rules really apply to second generation Asians, like myself. I practice Asian etiquette about twice a year. This is really more for interacting with first generation immigrants or native Asians.

• Two hands - All gifts, awards, and even business cards, should be offered and received with both hands. That is to say, you should present any gift with both hands and if you are receiving a gift, take it with both hands.
• Business cards - If you receive a business card from an Asian businessman, read it immediately, and then place it somewhere secure, such as a coat pocket or shirt pocket. If you don't read it, that's bad. If you lose it, that's worse.
• When to bow - Bowing is much like saluting. It is initiated by the subordinate. You are subordinate based entirely on age, gender, and social status. Whenever you meet someone, you should offer a bow, much like a handshake. Greetings should be exchanged before or during the bowing. Like a salute, whenever someone bows to you, you must return it. A bow should be returned quickly. This may mean you'll find yourself bowing when seated or other awkward moments. You should also bow when giving or receiving gifts, giving thanks, praising or being praised.
• How to bow - An Asian bow is anything from a nod of the head to getting on your knees and putting your forehead to the ground. A somewhat generic bow is done with arms at your sides, unless shaking hands. The bow starts at your waist, then torso and neck. It should be quick, no more than a couple seconds. Eyes should remain up and on the bow recipient. There is a certain crispness to it.
• The truth on bowing - It is said that non-Asians shouldn't attempt bowing, and the reason is because the art to bowing is not only where and when, but which and to whom. It's far more complicated than a handshake and requires some skill. Considering most people can't give a decent handshake to save their lives, bowing seems like a bit of a reach. The truth of the matter is that it takes a lot of practice, and that's asking a lot since bowing is learned since childhood.
• Payback - Reciprocity in Confucian societies is a big deal. Essentially, you are indebted to someone who does you a favor. This is not something that you'll ever pay back. You don't take turns. It is a slow and gentle accumulation of respect and gratitude. The two things you should know are that if you do something that earns you the gratitude of some Asian person, do not shrug off their thanks. It's the height of rudeness. Secondly, if some Asian person does something extraordinary for you, you must thank him. He will not ask you for anything. It's your job to find a way to repay his kindness.

  It may not seem like much, but it has deep roots. For example, my mom has done things for people she has known and whenever we go out and meet these people, they bow deeper, they are very kind to her, and it's thanks to this that we've eaten many a free meal and enjoyed many a free gift. Asian societies take interpersonal relations very seriously. You should too.